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Merry Christmas, especially for dietitians:
Christmas Cookie Rules
1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven,
it has no calories because everyone knows that the
first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.
2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie,
It also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.
3. If a friend comes over while you are making your Christmas cookies
and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend.
Because your friend's first cookie is calorie free, rule #1 is yours also.
It would be rude to let your friend sample alone, and being the
friend that you are makes your cookie calorie free.
4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet
and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the
density of the caloric mass.
5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies
will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting
from a knife without cutting your tongue.
6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories.
Red ones have 3 and green ones have 5 - one calorie for each letter.
Make more red ones!
7. Cookies eaten while watching Miracle on 34th Street have no calories
because they are part of the entertainment package and
not part of one's personal fuel.
8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories
because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
9. Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since
the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate.
We all know how calories like to CLING!
And finally...
10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because
cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It's a rule!
Christmas Cookie Rules
1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven,
it has no calories because everyone knows that the
first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.
2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie,
It also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.
3. If a friend comes over while you are making your Christmas cookies
and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend.
Because your friend's first cookie is calorie free, rule #1 is yours also.
It would be rude to let your friend sample alone, and being the
friend that you are makes your cookie calorie free.
4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet
and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the
density of the caloric mass.
5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies
will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting
from a knife without cutting your tongue.
6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories.
Red ones have 3 and green ones have 5 - one calorie for each letter.
Make more red ones!
7. Cookies eaten while watching Miracle on 34th Street have no calories
because they are part of the entertainment package and
not part of one's personal fuel.
8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories
because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
9. Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since
the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate.
We all know how calories like to CLING!
And finally...
10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because
cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It's a rule!
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